superficial

Listing the events today would probably be a hell load of work and sometimes I wonder if there's some higher authority up there menacing prancing about in his nightgown and deliberately altering the tides to make our lives more interesting. That's not to say that my life has gotten anywhere more interesting.. just more cumbersome.

Was kinda hard to sleep again with all the questions running through my head and all the sick desires and self-created tragic scenarios to deal with the hypothetical "end" that I hope to achieve. Not the exact good or bad outcome to be dealt here but rather the end to all the questions viciously spiraling.

This was initiated with an alarm in the morning to call. A call to meet (which was answered thankfully) and a few strange messages but no replies.

Then I embark upon my usual encountering with the big S. Sitting about a strange foreign room with weird guests and food to gobble upon to simply oust whatever doubts that might ooze out from your guests that you are not intellectually stimulated enough to put forth a great conversation. Surprisingly I was too preoccupied with too many thoughts that it bothered me less than what it would have always.

The best part, which should warrant for a drumroll, was when I get to meet Emm and Lau. We ordered Indian and sat together with their new housemates to utter gibberish and munch upon the great food. It felt like home. Lau suffered the most with Emm and I constantly insulting her everything. The guys were no help, only with an occasional "that's horrible" from one of them.

I whispered to Emm at 9 that I had something private to chat about and immediately she took the cue. It was amazing how she could carve out such time for me (for she usually sleeps at 10 and she had to call her mom before she sleeps). We chatted for a good 1.5hrs or so and the best advises were noted and amongst the many strings of words out of their mouths, I must admit the following were magical.

"we will never ever judge you"
"come back here anytime when you feel like it. I seriously mean it. You could simply want to escape from your dorm, from Jer or anything like it and you will forever be welcomed. In fact, why not stay over tonight?"
"I am so glad that you have decided to come and talk to us and that you accepted us initially. That took a whole load off our chests"
"You are an amazing person and we would honestly wish that you have the best"
"Of all the things, we are most concerned about how you are feeling now"

I am really touched by how genuine they put these words across. Others that I have known of back home (wherever that is supposed to be) would say such stuff but we all know it is somewhat procedural, something they watched and learned to say but would never really mean it as they are probably thinking it is troublesome to deal with a friend with problems or that it is not right for people to be "emo" and wishing to be comforted.

I have probably felt and experienced so much that nobody would experience in such a short spam of time. It has changed so much of my views and made me really feel more alive in many ways. It is indeed a great choice to come to this university and experience the magical bubble.

Contrasting the two happenings in day and in night, I must say one thing that should be made a mental note for life. That is to not judge people so quickly. We live in an extremely superficial world and we often feel that in order to function better we have to keep up to it or be swallowed. We judge others who are not in norm to make a cruel joke out of them or to reinforce our superiority over them and more than often we do not realise it is us who they are sympathising with for having such a pathetic life.